Is it possible to feel homesick again already? My parents and sister just left TODAY, and here I am again in another slump. The rollercoaster of homesickness that I alluded to in a previous post has dipped me back down to an uncomfortable low. This time, however, I feel homesick for my home in the states and my home here in Salamanca. I have less than a month left in Salamanca, and I feel quite anxious about having to leave.

For those of you that know me well, you probably know that I am a very emotional person. I truly wear my heart on my sleeve, and I care and connect deeply with each person around me. I have come to genuinely care for my host mom, Basi, and her family. Basi has become like another grandmother to me, and I love her very much. Her children and grandchildren have become such an integral part to my life, too. I do not want to say goodbye to them. I find myself very afraid for the day I have to say goodbye for good. I know I will cry and be a blubbering mess. Even as I type this, I find myself fighting back tears. Despite the tears I anticipate when I say goodbye to my new Spanish family, I feel forever grateful that I was blessed with such an amazing woman to be my host mom. I know that I am so lucky to have such a compassionate host mom and to have such a good relationship with her.

While I feel homesick for Salamanca even though I am still here, I still feel homesick for my home in the U.S. Even though I was with my family just over 30 hours ago, I already miss them a lot. I miss my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, boyfriend, friends, and of course, my crazy puppy. I miss macaroni and cheese and a Chick-fil-A sandwiches a lot, too. I know all of this is normal. Homesickness in itself is normal. But, how can I be homesick of two places when I am still currently in one of those places? It is weird, but studying abroad is truly a learning process, and it takes a lot of reflection to understand why I feel the way I do. As much preparation as you do, nothing can really prepare you for how you are going feel and react to certain situations. I have learned this the hard way during my time in Spain. 

So, please, for anyone considering studying abroad, know that being confused about your emotions is normal. At first, I was not sure if it was, but I am here to tell you that it totally is. More than likely, you have never left your normal life behind for 4+ months and moved across the world. Being emotional is okay. Feeling “off” is okay. Allow yourself to feel emotional, but let it be known to someone. Tell your mom, or sibling, or best friend. The people that truly know you want to know how you feel, whether you are feeling great or feeling terrible. Just be open with the ones who care. This is something I am learned to do, and it is well worth it.

sinceramente

P.S. Do not worry. I plan on posting about my amaaaaazing time with my family in my next post! Be on the lookout!