Four whole months. That is how long I have been in Spain. It has been four months that I have come to love new people, new places, and new customs. And tomorrow, my time in Spain comes to an end. Am I sad to leave? Well, it is to say that I am only a paragraph into this post and I am already crying. I just love this place so much. I love it with all that I am. I cannot believe tomorrow is the end.

It is easy to say that this past week has been very emotional for me. For starters, it was exam week, in which I had three exams and a final paper to complete. With all this school work to do, I stayed very busy the whole week, which unfortunately meant no siestas (what a shame, I know). I spent countless hours on Tuesday going over my Spanish Art History notes and power points. Of my three exams, I felt most confident about this material, and when it came time for the test, I think I did really well. On Wednesday after my art history exam, I literally locked myself in my room and slaved away at studying for my Human Geography and Spanish History material. These two exams were the ones I was most concerned about, and of course, they fell on the same day. The geography exam was cumulative and covered a lot of material, so I did not really know what to expect. However, once I got the test, I seemed to recall most of the information. But the history exam was quite interesting. We were given three essay topics, had to choose one to write about, and could use any sources to complete the essay during the test period. Although we could use our notes, the topics were very broad, so I am hoping I ended up doing okay.

With all the studying and testing that I did during the week, I felt robbed of my last days in Salamanca. I did not have any real time to stop and cope with my emotions, which I really needed this week. In the moments that I wanted to explore my city during my last moments, I had to stick to my books, which was a bummer. Thursday after my exam, however, I got to laugh and hang out with my friends one last time.

And so began the first difficult goodbyes, too. The first of my goodbyes was to my students who I had been teaching for three months. These students truly made an impact on my life and my future as an educator. They taught me how to be patient and explain material more thoroughly. They taught me how best to teach non-native English speakers. They taught me how to laugh at myself and how to be a Spaniard. I do truly care for these students, so it was quite bitter sweet to say goodbye. But of course, I sent them off with the most encouraging words–with what I would want to hear from an educator. I told them to keep practicing their English, and that whether or not they continue with English as their career path, I know they will excel in anything they do, because they are so bright and hardworking. I just hope they felt the love I have for them.

I also said goodbye to friends on Thursday after spending one last night out with them. Although most of us do not live entirely too far from one another in the states, I will miss them terribly. All the jokes and goofy memories I had with them will always be with me, from singing along to our favorite songs, complaining about classes, and dancing in the streets of Salamanca. Each one of the girls I called my friends will have a special place in my heart, and do not worry, we plan on having a reunion one day.

The hardest goodbye so far was earlier today. I had to say goodbye to my host mom’s son, Carlos, and his daughter, Cayetana (hear come the water works again). Saying goodbye to them was the first time I cried when saying goodbye to someone. During my time in Salamanca, I spent almost as much time with them as I did with my host mom, Basi. Carlos is good man, and I always enjoy talking to him. He is much like my Spanish older brother. And, Cayetana… this girl has my heart. Spunky, and funny, and intelligent, and beautiful on the inside and out. She was my best friend in Salamanca, even though she is only five years old. I love this girl very much, and today when she asked me if should could come visit me in Virginia, I completely broke down. I will miss watching Bob Esponja (SpongeBob), singing along to “Despacito,” and drawing in our coloring books. I will Cayetana, her dad, and her family so much it hurts.

And tomorrow, I leave. I just leave the home I have made for myself for four months. And worst of all, I have to say goodbye to Basi. Just thinking about it breaks my heart. She is like my grandmother, and no one wants to say goodbye to their grandmother. I seriously cannot think about saying goodbye to her without balling my eyes out, so I try not to think about it too much. Plus, she has already invited me and my boyfriend back for dinner in a few years. God, I love this woman so much.

With the amount I have cried today, nothing in the world, no amount of advice or meetings, could have prepared me for the intense emotions I am feeling right now. I am usually a highly emotional person and love very easily, so maybe I should have expected I would be upset. But, no. I did not know it would be this hard. 

But, of course, there is a positive side to my emotions. I have learned that my broken heart means that I have loved and have been loved so deeply during my time here in Spain. I have been beyond blessed and have made true connections with the people I have met here, which I could not ask more of. The amount of love in my life is tenfold, and though I am hurting, I know that I will forever have a home in Salamanca. And, I will be back. I promise.